A to Z

The sapphic glossary

58 lesbian and sapphic terms, from the classics to the very online. Bookmark it for the next time someone says “U-Haul” and you just nod.

Ally: Someone who is not part of a marginalized group but actively supports it. A good ally to lesbians and queer women listens, speaks up against lesbophobia, respects labels and pronouns, and does not need applause for doing the basics.
Androgynous: A style that blends masculine and feminine cues into something in between or hard to categorize. Androgyny describes presentation, not gender, so androgynous lesbians can be women, nonbinary or anything else.; See also: Futch, Masc of center, Nonbinary lesbian
Asexual: Someone who experiences little or no sexual attraction. Asexual people, often shortened to ace, can still feel romantic attraction, and some ace women describe themselves as lesbian or sapphic because their romantic attraction is to women.; See also: Queerplatonic
Baby dyke: An affectionate term for a lesbian who has recently come out or is young in her queer life. Usually said with love by older lesbians, and sometimes used about oneself with a wink.; See also: Baby gay, Dyke, Coming out
Baby gay: A friendly nickname for anyone who has just come out or is new to queer culture. Baby gays are known for discovering the classics, asking a lot of questions and dressing a bit too on theme for their first Pride.; See also: Baby dyke, Coming out
Bi erasure: The habit of ignoring, doubting or denying bisexuality, for example assuming a bi woman is 'really' straight or gay depending on her partner. Bi women are part of sapphic community, and bi erasure hurts everyone.; See also: Bisexual, Pansexual
Bisexual: Attraction to more than one gender. Bi women are a huge part of sapphic culture, and many use sapphic or WLW to describe their relationships with women. Being bi is a complete identity, not a halfway point.; See also: Bi erasure, Pansexual, Sapphic
Boi: A term used in some lesbian and queer communities for a masculine presenting person, often with a youthful or playful energy. Meanings vary by community and generation, so it is best used for people who claim it.; See also: Butch, Stud, Masc
Butch: A lesbian or sapphic person whose style, energy or gender expression leans masculine. Butch has roots in mid 20th century lesbian bar culture and is claimed proudly by cis, trans and nonbinary people.; See also: Femme, Soft butch, Stone butch, Stud
Chapstick lesbian: A lesbian with a sporty, casual, low maintenance style: sneakers, hoodies and lip balm instead of lipstick. The name is a playful contrast to the lipstick lesbian.; See also: Lipstick lesbian, Granola lesbian, Tomboy
Closeted: Not openly sharing your sexuality or gender identity, either with everyone or with certain people. Many people are out in some places and closeted in others, often for safety. Nobody owes anyone a coming out.; See also: Coming out
Coming out: Sharing your sexuality or gender identity with others. It is rarely a single moment: most people come out many times over their lives, to friends, family, coworkers and new people. You decide when, how and whether.; See also: Closeted, Questioning
Comphet: Short for compulsory heterosexuality, an idea from poet Adrienne Rich's 1980 essay. It describes how society pushes women toward men, so many lesbians spend years assuming they must be attracted to men before realizing they are not.; See also: Lesbian Masterdoc, Heteronormativity, Questioning
Cottagecore: A soft, romantic aesthetic built around countryside life: flowers, baking, linen dresses and slow mornings. It became hugely popular online around 2020 and was embraced by sapphic communities as a daydream of quiet love between women.; See also: Sapphic yearning, Granola lesbian
Diesel dyke: A historical term for a very masculine, tough presenting lesbian. It was often used as an insult, but some butch lesbians have reclaimed it with pride. Best used only by people who claim it.; See also: Dyke, Butch
Dyke: A word for lesbians that was long used as a slur and has been reclaimed by many lesbians as a proud, defiant label, as in Dyke Marches. Context matters: it can be warm between community members and hurtful from outsiders.; See also: Lesbian, Baby dyke, Diesel dyke
Femme: A lesbian or sapphic person whose style or gender expression leans feminine, and who claims that femininity as part of a queer identity. Femme shares its roots with butch in mid 20th century lesbian culture.; See also: Butch, Hard femme, Lipstick lesbian, Femme invisibility
Femme invisibility: The experience of feminine lesbians and sapphics being assumed to be straight because they do not match the stereotype of how a lesbian looks. It can mean being overlooked in queer spaces and doubted outside them.; See also: Femme, Gaydar
Futch: A blend of femme and butch, for lesbians and sapphics who feel connected to both. A futch might wear lipstick with a flannel, or switch between a suit and a dress depending on the day.; See also: Butch, Femme, Stem, Androgynous
Gaydar: The joking idea of a built in radar for spotting other queer people. It is really pattern recognition based on style, eye contact and vibes, which means it is often wrong, especially with femmes.; See also: Femme invisibility
Gold star: Slang for a lesbian who has never been intimate with a man. Many people see it as divisive, because it implies some lesbians are more legitimate than others and can make bi women, trans women and late bloomers feel excluded.; See also: Lesbian, Comphet
Golden retriever and black cat: A popular online way to describe a couple dynamic: one partner is bubbly, open and enthusiastic like a golden retriever, the other is cool, mysterious and secretly soft like a black cat. Many sapphic couples claim it happily.; See also: Useless lesbian
Granola lesbian: A lesbian with an earthy, outdoorsy and natural style, often called crunchy. Think hiking boots, thrifted fleece, houseplants, a carabiner on the belt loop and strong feelings about composting.; See also: Chapstick lesbian, Cottagecore
Hard femme: A femme whose femininity comes with edge and assertiveness: dark lipstick, leather, platform boots and a refusal to be underestimated. Hard femme says feminine and tough are not opposites.; See also: Femme, Lipstick lesbian
Hasbian: Slang for a woman who once identified as a lesbian and later dated men. It is often used as a joke, but it can be hurtful, because it dismisses bisexuality, fluidity and people's real past experiences.; See also: Bisexual, Bi erasure
Heteronormativity: The assumption that heterosexuality is the default or normal way to be, built into everything from forms to fairy tales. It is why people ask lesbians 'which one of you is the man?'; See also: Comphet, Lesbophobia
Labrys: A double headed axe from ancient Greek and Minoan imagery, linked in myth with the Amazons. Lesbian feminists adopted it as a symbol of strength and self sufficiency in the 1970s, and it appears on the 1999 labrys lesbian flag.; See also: Lesbian flag
Lavender marriage: A marriage of convenience between people who are queer, often a gay man and a lesbian, to hide their sexuality from the public. The term is linked with early and mid 20th century Hollywood, but the practice has existed in many places.; See also: Closeted, Lavender Menace
Lavender Menace: A phrase feminist Betty Friedan used around 1969 to describe lesbians as a threat to the women's movement. In 1970 lesbian activists turned it around, wearing Lavender Menace shirts to protest their exclusion at a feminist conference.; See also: Lavender marriage, Lesbophobia
Lesbian: A woman or nonbinary person who is attracted to women. The word comes from the Greek island of Lesbos, home of the ancient poet Sappho. Lesbians can be cis, trans or nonbinary, and every one of them counts.; See also: Sapphic, WLW, Dyke, Nonbinary lesbian, Trans lesbian
Lesbian bed death: A stereotype claiming intimacy fades faster in long term lesbian relationships. It grew out of 1980s research that has been widely criticized for how it measured intimacy, and many see it as a contested myth rather than a fact.; See also: U-Haul
Lesbian flag: A pride flag for lesbians. The most widely used today is the orange, white and pink sunset flag from 2018. Earlier designs include the 1999 labrys flag and the 2010 lipstick lesbian flag.; See also: Sunset flag, Lipstick flag, Labrys
Lesbian Masterdoc: A long document shared on Tumblr around 2018 that helped many questioning women recognize comphet in their own lives. It went viral again on TikTok. It is one person's reflections, not a rulebook, but it helped a lot of people.; See also: Comphet, Questioning
Lesbian Visibility Day: An annual day on April 26 that celebrates lesbians and raises awareness of the issues they face. Many people mark it by sharing stories, flags and lesbian history online and at events.; See also: Lesbian flag, Lesbophobia
Lesbophobia: Prejudice, hatred or discrimination aimed specifically at lesbians. It often mixes homophobia with sexism, showing up as fetishization, harassment, disbelief or the idea that lesbians just have not met the right man.; See also: Heteronormativity, Bi erasure
Lipstick flag: A pink and red lesbian flag with a lipstick kiss, created by Natalie McCray in 2010. Many lesbians rejected it because it seemed to leave out butch and masculine lesbians, and because of objections to the creator's blog comments.; See also: Lesbian flag, Sunset flag, Lipstick lesbian
Lipstick lesbian: A lesbian with a very feminine, glamorous style who loves makeup, styled hair and fashion. The term became widely known in the 1980s and 1990s and is usually seen as a glam flavor of femme.; See also: Femme, Chapstick lesbian, Lipstick flag
Masc: Short for masculine. In sapphic spaces, a masc person leans masculine in style or energy. It is a broad, casual label that can include butches, studs, soft butches and many others.; See also: Masc of center, Butch, Boi
Masc of center: An umbrella term for people assigned or living as women, or nonbinary people, whose gender expression leans masculine. It is often abbreviated MOC and is used especially in Black and queer of color communities.; See also: Masc, Stud, Butch
Nonbinary lesbian: A nonbinary person who identifies as a lesbian, usually because they feel a connection to womanhood or to lesbian community and are attracted to women. Nonbinary lesbians have long been part of lesbian history.; See also: Lesbian, Trans lesbian, Androgynous
Pansexual: Attraction to people regardless of gender. Many pan women are part of sapphic community. Pansexual and bisexual overlap, and people choose the word that feels right to them.; See also: Bisexual, Sapphic
Pillow princess: Slang for someone who mostly prefers to receive affection and attention in intimate moments rather than give it. It is often used teasingly, and some people find it reductive.
Queer: A broad term for people who are not straight or not cisgender. Once a slur, it has been widely reclaimed as an inclusive, sometimes political label. Some older people still find it painful, so use it with care.; See also: Sapphic, Lesbian
Queerplatonic: A close, committed relationship that is not romantic in the usual way but goes beyond typical friendship. The term comes from aromantic and asexual communities and describes bonds that do not fit neatly into existing boxes.; See also: Asexual, Situationship
Questioning: Exploring or unsure about your sexuality or gender identity. Questioning is a normal, valid place to be, for a week or for years. There is no deadline and no wrong answer.; See also: Comphet, Lesbian Masterdoc, Coming out
Sapphic: An umbrella word for women and nonbinary people who love women, including lesbians, bi and pan women. It comes from Sappho, the ancient Greek poet from Lesbos who wrote about love between women.; See also: Lesbian, WLW, Sapphic yearning
Sapphic yearning: The beloved, slightly dramatic feeling of longing for another woman from afar: lingering glances, unsent letters, hand holding in period dramas. Online, it is both a joke and a genuine celebration of slow, tender desire.; See also: Sapphic, Useless lesbian, Cottagecore
Situationship: A relationship that is more than friends but not clearly defined as dating. Situationships are common in every community, and in sapphic circles they are sometimes made extra confusing by the 'are we on a date or just friends?' problem.; See also: Useless lesbian, Queerplatonic
Soft butch: A lesbian or sapphic person who leans masculine in style but has a gentle, soft or easygoing energy. Picture short hair, a cardigan and very good hugs.; See also: Butch, Futch, Androgynous
Stem: A blend of stud and femme, describing someone who mixes both presentations. Like stud, it comes from Black and Latina lesbian communities in the US, and many ask non-Black people to use other words for themselves.; See also: Stud, Futch, Femme
Stone butch: A historical and identity term for a butch who prefers to give rather than receive physical affection in intimate relationships. It is closely associated with mid 20th century butch culture and Leslie Feinberg's 1993 novel Stone Butch Blues.; See also: Butch
Stud: A masculine presenting lesbian or sapphic person, a term from Black and Latina lesbian communities in the US. Stud has its own culture and history, and many in the community ask non-Black people not to use it for themselves.; See also: Stem, Butch, Masc of center
Sunset flag: The orange, white and pink lesbian flag designed by Emily Gwen in 2018 as an inclusive community flag. The original has seven stripes, and a simpler five stripe version is very common.; See also: Lesbian flag, Lipstick flag
Tomboy: An older, general word for girls and women who enjoy styles and activities seen as boyish. Not every tomboy is queer, but many lesbians recognize themselves in their tomboy childhoods.; See also: Chapstick lesbian, Masc
Trans lesbian: A trans woman who is attracted to women. Trans lesbians are lesbians, full stop, and they have been part of lesbian communities, activism and history for a long time.; See also: Lesbian, Nonbinary lesbian
U-Haul: The classic joke that lesbians move in together very quickly, sometimes after just a few dates. The punchline goes: what does a lesbian bring on a second date? A moving truck. Exaggerated, but many couples laugh because it is a little true.; See also: Lesbian bed death
Useless lesbian: A self mocking online term for a sapphic who is hopelessly bad at flirting or noticing when someone is flirting with her. Classic example: realizing three years later that a girl was asking you out.; See also: Sapphic yearning, Gaydar
WLW: Short for women loving women. An inclusive umbrella for lesbians, bi women, pan women and anyone else who is a woman attracted to women. Often used in hashtags and online communities.; See also: Sapphic, Lesbian, Bisexual